Before Chris, i had this boyfriend Andy, and you could call him the one who got away or whatever, but my point is: he was perfect. He treated me amazing. He put up with all my shit andi always felt like i was enough. I felt whole. He never complaiend and he never told me all the bad things about me. He openly loved me and when we disagreed it was our heads not our hearts.
And now im in this relationship with a boy who thrives of hurting me. He loves to make me feel like shit. It makes him feel like a man when he pushes me around and yells, and i used to think it was my fault, that maybe i am a bitch... but if im nicer to chris than i ever was to andy, and andy loved me more than chris is ever going to be capeable of.. how does that work out?
Chris said the other day that it's not enough that im really nice to him, i have to not get jealous and moan less etc. But the thing is, i moan all the time, im fragile and get upset easily, i get jealous and i care about little things.. how am i supposed to change that? Because then i wont be me anymore. Chris wants a girl who is laid back and easy going. someone who loves to go out, someone who never moans.. and i want a boy whos sensitive and caring, who loves me truley and who makes me smile all the time. I dont want a boyfriend who tells me im shit and he never wants sex with me and im rude and all the other insults that chris comes out with.
And i think that just maybe, this shit relationship might not be my fault? So what do i do now?
Louise
xox
No comments:
Post a Comment