So this is my first post. I feel so far from where i've been. I used to be so laid back and calm and now i just get jealous over everything, even things i shouldnt be jealous of. And i know Chris is wrong for trying to change me, and he doesnt make it any easier on me but i want to change. This is for the better. 21 days from now i want to be able to say 'yeh chris is going downtown tonight and i dont care'. I want to care so much less because loving someone this much is literally killing me. It hurts so much knowing someone doesnt care back as much as they should.
Todays been a bit shit. I've been at work all day, and chris sent me a text this morning telling me to come over but he hasn't contacted me since and i'm just thinking if he wanted to see me badly enough he'd have text me again or something. And plus he never comes over my place, ever and it's so annoying because it feels like i make the effort all the time. Just for once it would be nice if he actually gave enough of a shit about me.
The way i see it is, if you love someone you do everything you can to make them happy. If Chris ever got jealous i'd reassure him so much and make things better for him not tell him he's 'not normal' and say that when i'm 18 i will be going downtown all the time. It's so hard, i just want to know that he cares about me.
But whatever, i'm NOT going to text him first. This is the first step to getting over this shit. I'm going to be laid back and let him come to me. If he wants me he can fucking come and get me.
Louise
x
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